Balance

Balance is attainable, but is unstable. 

What does that mean exactly?  I asked my new AI friend that question. I suppose technology is growing on me as I can now see some value in AI and not just see it as the disobedient computer, Hal, in the movie, "2001: A Space Odyssey".  Here is what the modern "Hal" said"

"Systems in perfect balance are often sensitive to disturbances, making them prone to disruption. In contrast, slightly imbalanced or dynamic systems may exhibit more stability because they can absorb and respond to changes without collapsing.

It's a fascinating concept that extends beyond physical objects. In discussions about ecosystems, economies, or even personal well-being, achieving a perfect equilibrium can be challenging and, ironically, precarious. A bit of flexibility or imbalance might be necessary for resilience and adaptability. It's a delicate dance between stability and change." (emphasis added)

The poses I struggle with the most in yoga are balance poses.  No matter how much the instructor cues me with "you have to learn how to be out of balance, to find balance," I inevitably feel defeated.  Why can't I find and maintain balance?  I hear this from other people as well.  Everyone seems to think that being balanced or having a balanced life is desired state.  If our day doesn't go as planned or we are agitated for some reason, it is all wrong because we are out of balance. 

Yogic teachings talk of the body, the mind and the soul.  The combination of which is like a tripod; our world a combination of the three.  If there is one thing that stands out in all that I am learning, it is that having all three of these things aligned, in balance,  at any point in my life, would be a gift.  To expect that they are all aligned, every day, all day long, is absurd and unrealistic.  I honestly cannot think of one time in my life when my physical self felt perfect, my emotional self matched the physical and my awe and wonder of the world around me, my spiritual side, were all in complete alignment. 

The closest I can come is childbirth.  There is an unbelievable amount of joy (mind).   Complete amazement that the human body can physically create another human body (physical) and a belief that something larger than me in the world is present (spiritual).  But it is also physically and emotionally depleting.  The spiritual awe is still there but the other two legs of the tripod are not at 100%.  It is amazing, but not balanced.  The same holds true for any major accomplishment in my life.  Being perfectly balanced would be like announcing to the world that I am "there"; I have found my place.  But "there" is a temporary state. Whenever I reach a place that I have been striving for, I naturally start thinking about the next place I want to be.  To stay "there" would be stagnant.  It might feel balanced, but it would be the opposite of growth. 

Yet, somehow I see balance as an ideal state that I am unable to achieve.  What if instead of criticizing myself for feeling out of balance,  I give myself some grace and see conscious instability as the way to approach the day?  I am aware that I am not perfect.  And that's okay.  Even better?  Flexibility and imbalance HELP me learn resilience and teach me to adapt to life as it comes my way.  What do I mean by conscious instability?  If I am not aware of my state of imbalance, then I cannot see the growth that is needed.  Awareness is the key.  Otherwise, I am  just shaming myself without knowing why. Not asking what the gift of being imperfect can bring me, just feeling defeated by my inability to achieve what I perceive comes so easily to everyone else.  And who finds any joy in that?

As the new Hal said above, "It's a delicate dance between stability and change."  Change can leave me feeling vulnerable.  Change is new, it is different, it can feel out of balance.  But stability can also feel out of balance if I am not finding new ways of challenging myself; not growing.   When I feel too stable, I feel stuck in comfortable.  Neither stability nor change make me feel balanced, but they play off of each other nicely to keep me moving forward. 

It's good to know that balance is not the be all to end all.  Now when I fall over in yoga class, I can proudly proclaim that I am "dancing" between stability and change.  After all, balancing on one leg is very static.  Dancing feels like freedom.